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Went to the doctors today, I said "do you treat alcoholics"??
The doctor said "of course we do"
I said "great,get your coat on,I'm f**king skint"
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Posted: 2011-11-24 22:44:05
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ADULT:
A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
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BEAUTY PARLOR:
A place where women curl up and dye.
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CANNIBAL:
Someone who is fed up with people.
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CHICKENS:
The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
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COMMITTEE:
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
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DUST:
Mud with the juice squeezed out.
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EGOTIST:
Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
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HANDKERCHIEF:
Cold Storage.
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INFLATION:
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
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MOSQUITO:
An insect that makes you like flies better.
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RAISIN:
Grape with sunburn.
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SECRET:
Something you tell to one person at a time.
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SKELETON:
A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.
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TOOTHACHE:
The pain that drives you to extraction.
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TOMORROW:
One of the greatest labour saving devices of today.
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YAWN:
An honest opinion openly expressed.
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WRINKLES:
Something other people have, similar to my character lines.
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Posted: 2011-12-10 17:12:23
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NEW DRINKING WARNING
Vodka & ice will ruin your kidneys
Rum & ice will ruin your liver
Whisky & ice will ruin your heart
Gin & ice will ruin your brain
Pepsi & ice will ruin your teeth
There you have it,ice is f**kin lethal. Warn all your friends lay off the ice & just drink it straight.
You could save a life & don't forget what ice did to the Titanic
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Posted: 2011-12-11 22:38:25
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'What ice did to titanic'
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Posted: 2011-12-12 05:51:59
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The new Margaret Thatcher film has been rated 12a unsuitable for Miners
A recent survey discovered that 90% of men don't know how to turn a washing maching on. I always find flowers & chocolates do the trick
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Posted: 2012-01-06 23:04:41
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Two blonds have planned to visit DisneyLand in their car. They read a sign 'DisneyLand Left'. They stopped there, cried a lot and returned home.
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Posted: 2012-02-11 06:27:02
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God! I have been laughin me head off at this thread for the past hour.
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Posted: 2012-03-01 00:38:09
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Posted: 2012-03-02 17:43:19
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New version of Viagra out under the name of Mycoxafloppin
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Posted: 2012-03-30 00:06:00
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[ This Message was edited by: pt020 on 2012-05-22 14:05 ]
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Posted: 2012-05-22 14:50:42
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